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| i figure, if i have so many things on my mind right now, why not blog. and since i have this xanga still, i might as well use it, right? i'm the worst person in the world.
seems like every time i attempt break up, my pity takes over and i try again so my first attempts never work. how do you tell someone that you're just not interested anymore, but you'd love to be friends when that person thinks the world of you and he'd have nothing less than your heart, but you can't give it to him? how do you tell someone you care about so much as a friend that, as their girlfriend, you're tempted by everything around you and you can't guarantee that you'll turn someone down if someone were to approach you? sometimes i think i made a mistake by holding your hand that night. maybe then we wouldn't be in this predicament. but i really did mean everything i had said to you. nothing was ever fake. and i let you know straight up how i was feeling last night without censorship. no matter how brutal it was, and you still want me to stay!? maybe you just want the title! why can't we just be friends!? i don't understand. i really don't. another thing, i feel like i'm breaking you by wanting to be single, but you have to understand, i can't force myself to stay with you for sincere reasons, but here i am telling you that i'm gonna give it another chance. now it's become fake. and the only reason i'm giving this another chance is because of someone else. =/ the worst part is, that someone else, is someone i do have feelings for. though that person isn't the reason i lost interest, i feel guilty because i devote the time that should belong to you to that person. and i'm not cheating because that person doesn't have the slightest idea how i feel. and i don't want them to. because i'd rather not feel anything at all. i don't wish for that person to feel the same way about me as i do for them, but i do wish that i never felt this way, period. maybe i should just go through with this try. i wish your kiss made me feel something, but i can't say that i even like your kiss. =/ sorry. i never knew how much a kiss mattered.
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| how do you mend someone else's broken heart? how do you get someone to forget about the heartbreaker? will you always be the rebound? | | |
| damn, i think im addicted and i have a problem. i need to go to an MA meeting. haha and no one will ever know what that means. i just dont understand how come you want what you cant have and what is so easily attainable is so ignored. "baby you should let me love you" cause we all know she wont. maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan i just wish i could forget about him. and its crazy cause i dont really know much about him. less than a month and you become unforgettable. darn you. i dont know who she is but if shes that great, than why wont she even give you a chance? but hell, she's probably perfect, huh? that lucky bitch.
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| all signs point to yes, but not i guess ill wait it out and see what happens. thanks to jayjay who made me realize that i probably wouldnt get hurt. and thanks to that's so raven for telling me you wont know until you try. haha wow.. all in one week. guess we'll have to see how things work out. phew. in the words of ryan.."my cheeks hurt"
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| turning the guest room into my art studio. ill have my old twin bed there for guests and it has HUUUGE storage space inside to put all my stuff in for a quick clean... also, if i end up working late on something, i can sleep there, but i doubt that'll happen cause the process is messy so i gotta clean right after, but yea.. i will also have my amp and 2 guitars cause that's where they've always been. a little tv to make it feel homey and a table because let's face it, i do sketches of purses and now that im old enough to work, ill get a job and use the money for art supplies and fabric so i can finally MAKE my purses.
well the cleaning phase and all starts tomorrow morning and hopefully ill be finished by the end of the weekend. oh how excited i am to just have a place of my own for art. ill probably end up having to add this room to the list of stuff i gotta clean, but i cannnnt wait and the best part is, my parents are so supportive of me doing this art thing, even though they already told me its basically a dead end job, but i dont think so. plan is, art will be my full time and some other job that pays me well for my art things so i can get by in life. well for now, thats a dream. | | |
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